about once every other day. or maybe a few times daily

How many times a week do I think about dying. Wishing something would kill me, or at least grievously harm me.

A lot.

I have difficulty accepting failure.

Unrelated: I dislike going into public where people might recognize me. Or just public at all. I can feel the prejudice... I can just feel it.

Sometimes, I want to get diagnosed with something just to know that it's not my fault. I hate getting blamed. 

How can unspoken words hurt? They don't even exist. And yet they do.

My head hurts.

I'm scared.