Well you see me. I can't stand it when somebody is angry at me. It drives me crazy. Even if they're slightly pissed. The moment when someone snaps at me, I have to fight back tears. That also means at school if someone suddenly tells me to piss off because I've been been annoying, my eyes start stinging.
... That's more of the when.
Why would be....
Because I am a brat who will not stand for the world not working out the way I want it to. I'm spoiled and that's that.
There's too much expectations from me. What makes people think that I am capable of doing something? Do I look capable?
When I die, I want everything of mines to be washed and given away. I don't believe in an afterlife that allows you to take material goods with you. I'd just like my two pandas though. The flat one and the round one. That'll be enough.
Is it my fault if I'm careless? Why would they think that I'm so responsible, they've seen my room. Is it even my fault for getting sick? They couldn't help but get sick, couldn't that have been my case? You can't fight off a virus, once it gets in, it gets in.
Sometimes, I really wish I could just finally catch something terminal. Then they'd care more instead of just making me take so much medicine that I'm practically addicted and not putting any effort in their part to not get sick. Sure. Blame me. Just because I'm currently sick. It might not have been me. I haven't been playing with them. Why can't it be the stupid little retard? He touches everything.
I feel like just swallowing all the Nyquil I have in my room. How long will I sleep for? Will I ever wake up? Is there anything worth waking up for?
I really miss having someone to talk with 24/7 about anything at all. I hate not having someone pay attention to me. I want time to go back. And never start again. The carefree panic I'd feel. That feeling of being spoiled rotten.
Freedom is not freedom if you still have to ask for permission.
I want to drive already. Then I can just take a car and keep driving. Who cares about permission if you've got cash.
I don't want to change. But there's so much pressure to change. Even if I swallow it all and fly out of here, I can't just live like that forever.
If people are meant to separate when they graduate, I think I'll be able to kill myself then. I can just be that person that everyone's lost contact with. I can blow off the rest of high school and have fun. Then disappear.
I don't want to live. I don't want a life. I just want to watch people. Watch the world go. Go places for no reason. I want to live like an immortal, except as a mortal so I can still die one day. I don't want to live to be 60. Or 50. Maybe 20. But I don't want to live past that. The future is too uncertain.
I'd kill myself just to stop my own time. Time machine gone wrong?
By the way, I hit 150 posts. Yay?
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