Power...

Want to know what misery feels like?

Go incur the wrath of pollen. Well, no. I'm actually not allergic to pollen. But I am allergic to something because occasionally, like now, I'll get this horrible allergy attack and my whole face will itch. Not the rash itch, the tiny one that tickles and won't go away. So I got some Alavert...

I don't want to call myself a druggie, but I like it when I get sick enough to have to take medicine. I don't usually take it, it's just that I now have a legit excuse to take meds... Make sense?

Moving on...

So when I was in the shower earlier, I was thinking about happiness in the long term. Kind of impossible, if you ask me. I mean, imagine this. You think you'll be happy if you end up with a certain something in the future. So you work hard and sweat and cry and bleed and... you get that something. Yeah, okay. You end up happy. Maybe. But the journey was not so fun, was it? If all you did was sweat and cry and bleed, it doesn't sound like a pleasant bunch of memories.

Hmm, I suppose the support and help during those trying times were nice. Like during those times when you broke down from pressure... I'll have to mull this over some more.

So.

Pens.

My mom bought me a box of ball point pens in the summer and I feel pressured to use them all before they just don't work anymore. I hate how they dry out even when they're new. Initially, I didn't really like pens because Wite-Out is a mess and I always either make many, many mistakes or write ugly (yes, how pretty my letters come out matter a lot to me). Also, pens are so smooth when you write. No grit. What if I randomly slip and fly off the page? No, that won't happen, but that's a legit fear. Anyways, I've gotten use to it by now and I kind of like it, in fact. Pencils only go as thin as .5 lead for all I know and my pens can go down to .38. Mmm, thin letters. And I feel so powerful when I fill out forms with pen. It feels like I've decided this is how I'm going to live my life. And you can't change it... unless you have Wite-Out handy, which, in case, you don't. Yes. Power. Goes along with my "No Regrets. You Chose This." mindset.

By the way, the pens are colorful enough that I gifted about three away, but I've been using only one pen for the entire school year so far and I still have about two inches of ink left. My goodness, talk about a lifetime box. If it didn't dry up.

I'd rather have a huge box of pens that all have only a little bit of ink than a small box of pens with a lot of ink each.

Nothing is worse than having your hair tickle your face when you're already unpleasantly itchy from allergies.